by Robert L Dilenschneider, author of “Respect: How to Change the World One Interaction at a Time“
Respect may be one of the least discussed human qualities, often taken for granted as most of us go through life without giving it much thought. However, it is my contention that respect deserves more attention, consideration, appreciation, and praise. Respect is fundamental: mutual respect creates friendships and enables societies and organizations to function effectively. It is respect for one another that builds healthy relationships and establishes trust between individuals, groups, and nations. Ultimately, being respectful makes this a better world, while failing to show respect can make it a worse place.
My decades-long career in international public relations has afforded me a unique perspective on human nature, compelling me to explore this vital topic. The visible erosion of respectfulness is what prompted the writing of this book, particularly as civility and respect go hand-in-hand. Today, the world often feels fueled by chaos, where disorder is the new order. Unfiltered platforms like social media have encouraged nastiness and rancor, often leading to the perception that respectfulness is merely an outdated virtue.
To counter this environment, respectfulness must emanate from each individual in all endeavors and interactions. The foundation for this outward display is self-respect. It is difficult, if not impossible, to be authentically respectful of others if you do not respect yourself first. Gaining self-respect requires looking inward, rather than seeking validation from others. As the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu advised, when you are content to be simply yourself and do not compare or compete, everybody will respect you.
Building self-respect allows us to cultivate the qualities necessary for respectful interaction with others. I have identified five essential qualities, though many others contribute to this virtue:
- Acknowledge the dignity of human life, regardless of one’s station, culture, or preferences.
- Practice compassion and foster a sense of belonging.
- Be courteous; help others see the good.
- Understand that everyone has their own experiences and beliefs.
- Listen to others, really listen; instead of mentally preparing your response.
The act of truly listening, or active listening, is foundational to respectfulness. It is more than just hearing words; it means seeking to understand the meaning and intent behind the speaker’s message. We must also recognize that differing perspectives are inevitable. As anthropologist Margaret Mead wisely stated, manners are a way of dealing with people you do not agree with or like. Civility demands that we respect another person’s point of view, no matter how misguided we may find it. We must resist the urge toward snark, which is the opposite of respectfulness, attempting to annihilate reputation through nasty, subtle abuse.
Although some leaders believe that civility is seldom rewarded in the political arena today, I remain an optimist. The necessary changes begin with individual effort. When you live a life of respectfulness, following the adage, “you get what you give,” you will ultimately gain respect.
Robert L. Dilenschneider is the founder of The Dilenschneider Group, a strategic communications firm. Widely recognized as a leading communications professional, he has authored numerous books including “The Ultimate Guide to Power & Influence“, “Character: Life Lessons in Courage, Integrity, and Leadership“, and his latest “Respect: How to Change the World One Interaction at a Time” (Wiley).
